The potential to become a business owner unexpectedly presented itself Monday. I contacted the business owner Tuesday, and on the face of it, the terms are probably the most favorable terms a business has ever been sold under. Recognizing this, I decided it’s time for some magick to keep things real. I performed a spell, I’ll keep the details to myself for now, to keep silent being one of the key practices of the craft, but I’m sure you can figure out what it was for. Today, I was contacted by the seller to set up a face-to-face, asked to apply for a lateral move promotion at my current job, and informed that my current position will be taking on a larger leadership role in the near future, effectively becoming a new, higher position, which is essentially a de facto promotion. I’d be foolhardy in the extreme to say that I couldn’t lose if I tried, especially with so many parts still in motion which could fall through at any time, but hot damn. Historically, this would be the part where the universe gets my hopes up and then kicks me in the ass, so there will be secondary spells to keep that in line.
On a more philosophical note, I did run in to a weird place. Mentally, I’ve been very solidly in a buddhist-stoic area. Suffering is caused by expectations, and what’s outside of my control is outside of my control. This runs very counter to the idea of using magick to exert my will on the universe, and even more counter to the core idea of creating magick as a statement of intent written in the current tense, and believing it as something that has already happened. I ran into, and through, a strong mental block where my mind didn’t want to put the belief required into the magick. I don’t think I’m over it, but I got through it once. I’ll need to spend some meditation time of reconciling the two.
I spent some time in meditation with the moon last night, and jotted down some notes at the end of the meditation of the things that struck me. Here it is verbatim, so excuse any bad grammar:
The beauty in the moon isn’t in its duality or its phases, but in the fact that it is singular and ties two opposites together. When we see the full moon, we’re seeing the new moon too, and so the moon illustrates that both states are the same, appearing dual but not. Totally interchangeable. The 2 are 1. The triple moon is 1, the maiden/mother/crone reflecting the father/son/holy ghost. But again, male and female, a false duality reflecting the moons phases. Reflecting a hidden one-ness. The order of the three is determined by their importance with the first being the most important to society, the second being the most important to religion, and the third occupying a unifying mystery spot. Most important in spirit or magic?
I also stepped… Maybe out of body isn’t the right phrase, but close to it, and visited some friends just to see what I saw. It was a best experience, and while I wouldn’t say I saw their auras, I definitely intuited them, which was a first for me. I see now that my hindrance in what a lot of people take for granted is in second guessing my subconscious when reading for auras, which is something I’ll need to work on. A friend called the way I practice “intuitive magick” and that really struck a chord with me, so it’s important for my growth that I get better at setting aside my rational brain.
I’m continuing to clean and sort my life and workspace, and the dreams are continuing to come back. They’re still not long, but they’re not as disjointed, and don’t leave me feeling apprehensive. I’m looking forward to, in the next week or so, getting back to a real daily practice and having the time to update both journals daily. I’m not sure what it is about this time of year, but I have trouble walking up in a timely manner. It’s almost reverse SAD
Lammas ritual went well. My wife and I wrote it together, and focused on the Lammas theme of hearth and house spirits, rather than the Lughnasadh aspect that most people seem to be working with. A friend hosted the event, and her home smelled just like my grandma who has passed, and had decorations that reminded me of my grandma on the other side of the family. I’ve always felt a connection to my passed away grandma when working with house spirits, and I haven’t felt it strongly since I stopped my daily practice. It was a wonderful experience to feel such immediate feedback again, and I’m enjoying this second beginning to my renewed practice.
In the interest of conserving time, I’ve decided that any extensive dream journaling I do will count as my daily log entry, barring any other magickal practice of note. This will keep me journaling daily while saving time, as well as sparing you the tedium of reading about how many times in a month I banish.
Today, I am attending a local Lammas gathering, and Saturday I am putting on my own. I put some decent time into just calling the quarters, and I’m not bragging when I say at least one person in attendance will probably cry when they’re called. I mean, I’m bragging a little, but I cheated when writing them. Can’t say why, yet, because I think I’ve given them a link to this blog and I don’t want to ruin the surprise.
I’m stuck. I’m stuck in this weird place where I can’t get a daily practice going again because I’ve got new social obligations that I’m not used to having, but all my social obligations are tied to actually practicing.
I’m reminded of the saying “if you have time, you should meditate for half an hour every day. If you don’t, you should meditate for an hour”. Easier said than done, but I’ve found truth in it before. It looks like I may have to start losing some sleep in the short term to build long term balance into my life, which I’ve been shying away from, hoping I could juggle everything long enough for life to slow down. But I don’t think that’s a thing life does, so I guess it’s time to bite the bullet.
I attended a masquerade ball with some pagan friends. I assumed there would be dancing and such, knowing how Renn fest people are, and you know, it’s a ball. Turns out, partying with pagans can really skew your perceptions of what a gathering is supposed to be like, even among people that most of society considers weird and over the top. But I had a good time, and made some progress in healing my wounded best-friendship, so it wasn’t a total loss.
My wife and I have began writing our Lammas ritual for the circle, and I think it’s going to be quite nice. We will likely finish it tomorrow night, and then spend some time in meditation on the message and intent, with some minor rewording to follow. We’re planning on making corn husk dolls, which is likely to be the majority of the outright magick that I perform for the ritual, as I tend to get to caught up in getting the words right during public speaking to actually hold much intent. I guess that’s something I need to work on.
Here’s my dream from last night: I was a pirate and I got instructions to do something “captains quarters” which is slang for “the right way” as opposed to “crews quarters” which means the easy or sloppy way. I understood it as the difference between making a primitive spear by sharpening a stick and making a primitive spear by knapping a spearhead.
The pirate theme probably comes from a party I’m attending tomorrow, but the message clearly related to my last entry. Quit half assing. Do it right.
I’ve heard the horror stories of people who dabble in magic but don’t fully commit. Who half-ass their banishings, if they do them at all. Who play with Ouija boards without a solid understanding of what they’re doing. Not the people who are completely ignorant, because their ignorance provides them with a level of protection, but the people who know just enough to get them in trouble. I’ve never experienced it myself. I was an armchair magician for long enough that I made the jump straight from ignorance to more-or-less competent, and went I jumped in to practicing, I jumped in with both feet.
Now, though, I have some inkling of what those stories are about. I’ve had my toes in the water for a week now, trying to slowly build up a daily practice, and I’m definitely worse for the wear. By only dream journaling in the morning, instead of in the middle of the night (if I happen to wake up), I’ve put myself into a situation where my dream recall is spotty, but I have a constant feeling of “something important happened, and I’ve forgotten”. By only meditating for a few minutes, I’ve stirred my subconscious enough that the negative thoughts are close to the surface without fully accepting and processing them, and the snippets of dream I remember are disturbing or disjointed, and leave me feeling uncomfortable.
So, my advice to the aspiring reader is simple. Do it, or don’t, but don’t half ass it. For myself, I’ve learned my lesson. Time to hit the streets.
First, sorry to disappoint anyone who finds this page looking for medical advice on extremely long periods of defecation. I recommend you call a doctor, at this point. For anyone still here, I’m still getting back in the groove of posting daily, and the last two days were busy.
Sunday, my circle celebrated the full moon and I was elected on short notice to be HP. I opened with a modified LBRP, and lead a nice guided meditation, which I shamelessly stoke and which you can find at https://www.oursightyourlight.com%2Fblog%2Ffull-moon-invocation-visualization. It was a slightly difficult ritual, since my friend whom I recently argued with was hosting, but it went well, and I received several compliments on my guiding.
Yesterday, I spent the evening speaking with a friend who attended the Starwood festival. Definitely on my to-do list for next year, though to be fair, it’s been on to-do list for the last two years as well. I’ve experienced 800-1000 person festivals before, but not with the degree of structure or the level of workshops available at Starwood. But when your friend says “I got to hang out with Oberon Zell, Bright Hawk, and Ian Corrigan” and she doesn’t mean “I attended their classes” she means “I was sitting at the campfire and they came and had a few beers” how can I not go next year? Hell, even the organizers of the other two festivals I usually attend were there, so that’s definitely happening.